Anna Begins
by BlueStarGirl
Summary: This wasn't about Summer anyway, this was about him and Anna and how he had f..ked up.


Author: Kelsey  
  
Rating: PG/PG-13   
  
Disclaimer: The OC belongs to Fox and the song "Anna Begins" belongs to The Counting Crows. The thoughts are mine.  
  
Summary: "This wasn't about Summer anyway, this was about him and Anna and how he had fucked up."  
  
A/N: This was supposed to be the songfic drabble for http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OCfanfiction 1000+ words later, here it is!  
  
Anna Begins:  
  
Anna broke up with him and he absolutely admitted that he deserved it. Seth should have been brave enough to leave her first. Summer was who he'd always wanted. He'd tried to feel the same way about Anna, but his addiction to Summer was too big a part of him. Seth sighed and turned on his stereo.  
  
My friend assures me "It's all or nothing"  
  
I am not worriedI am not overly concerned  
  
My friend implores me "For one time only,  
  
Make an exception" I am not worried  
  
Anna Begins, of course. The song of course reminded him of Anna, oddly, it was one of her favorite songs. Had Anna ever really cared about him? Seth wondered suddenly. Of course she had. She was a good friend. She wanted him to be happy, even if it was with Summer.  
  
Wrap her up in a package of lies  
  
Send her off to a coconut island  
  
I am not worriedI am not overly concerned  
  
With the status of my emotions  
  
"Oh" she says "You're changing"  
  
But we're always changing  
  
It wasn't that he didn't enjoy being with Summer. This wasn't about Summer anyway, this was about him and Anna and how he had fucked up. Seth had been cruel to Anna, he hadn't meant to be. He had been greedy and not seen how valuable Anna was, even if he didn't love her.  
  
It does not bother me to say this isn't love  
  
Because if you don't want to talk about it  
  
Then it isn't love  
  
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that  
  
He'd treated Anna badly. Sure opposites are exciting, but it's nice to be understood. Seth had taken that for granted. He had been annoyed by Anna's innate understanding. She had become an irritant instead of a gift, and now Seth had lost her.  
  
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey  
  
Something in between  
  
And I can always change my name  
  
If that's what you mean  
  
Seth had included Summer in his and Anna's relationship because he hadn't wanted to hurt anyone. It was a stupid thing to do, a misguided notion. Now he'd lost his best friend in exchange for, well, awkward sex. It didn't seem like a fair trade-off.  
  
My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing"  
  
But I am not really worried  
  
I am not overly concerned  
  
You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself  
  
To make yourself forget  
  
I am not worried  
  
Seth had been in love with Summer for years, he reminded himself. In love, he was beginning to wonder about the definition of those words. They were starting to seem overused.  
  
"If its love" she said "then we're going to have to   
  
think about the consequences."  
  
She can't stop shaking  
  
I can't stop touching her and...  
  
Summer is hot, Seth reflected, incredibly hot. The sex, well, it had improved, a lot. If their relationship was only skin deep, so what? At least they respected each other.  
  
This time when kindness falls like rain  
  
It washes her away  
  
And Anna begins to change her mind  
  
Seth wished the real Anna would change her mind. She wouldn't of course, she's way too stubborn, but maybe there would be hope for someday. For now he had Summer, he was happy with Summer.  
  
"These seconds when I'm shaking  
  
leave me shuddering  
  
for days," she says  
  
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing.  
  
Okay, maybe they had rushed into the sex thing. Maybe they both knew that physical attraction was really all Seth and Summer had going for each other. Anna was beautiful too, in her own way.  
  
But I'm not going to break   
  
And I'm not going to worry about it anymore  
  
I'm not going to bend, and I'm not going to break and  
  
I'm not going to worry about it anymore  
  
The Counting Crows were right. The deed has been done, Seth realized. Being with or without Anna, it wasn't up to him. He had lost the right to make that decision long ago.  
  
It seems like I should say "As long as this is love..."  
  
But it's not all that easy so maybe I should  
  
Snap her up in a butterfly net  
  
Pin her down on a photograph album  
  
Seth couldn't help glancing at the picture of him and Anna sailing. It was still on his desk. She was still his friend, and such a cool girl.  
  
I am not worried   
  
I've done this sort of thing before  
  
But then I start to think about the consequences  
  
Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and...  
  
Seth wished there was a way to keep both Anna and Summer, but he had tried that before. Look where stringing them both along had gotten him. Anna had taken that decision out of his hands, in a way it was a kindness.  
  
This time when kindness falls like rain  
  
It washes me away and  
  
Anna begins to change my mind  
  
And every time she  
  
sneezes I believe it's love  
  
Friendship and relationship are different. The little intimacies of relationships get dilluted when you mix them with school and other people. Seth missed how Anna fit in his arms, how she sneezes, how she coughs when she's nervous.  
  
Oh lord, I'm not ready  
  
For this sort of thing  
  
I have a girlfriend, Seth reminded himself. I have a beautiful, understanding, popular, great girlfriend. Summer is great. Summer isn't Anna.  
  
She's talking in her sleep   
  
It's keeping me awake  
  
And Anna begins to toss and turn  
  
And every word is nonsense but I understand  
  
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing  
  
Seth understood Anna, sort of, and she understood him, completely. Seth had to believe that's why she broke up with him. He knows that's why he's falling in love with her.  
  
Her kindness bangs a gong  
  
It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away  
  
It's chasing me away She disappears and  
  
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing  
  
He finally understands her sacrifice, Seth finally gets that Anna loves him and he loves her. It's ironic, and more than a little sad that Anna is drifting steadily away from him. Seth finally has Summer and Anna's what he wants. 


End file.
